My last post:)

Mexico City never ceases to amaze me. At night you can see lights for miles and miles....up into the mountains. It is gorgeous at night if you happen to be driving. There are houses, people and cars everywhere. This city belongs to 30 million people. We are told that less than 2% are evangelical.

When I see this city at night, it reminds me of this verse in the bible. (1John 1:5-7) We heard the true teaching from God. Now we tell it to you: God is light, and in him there is no darkness.  So if we say that we share in life with God, but we continue living in darkness, we are liars, who don’t follow the truth.  We should live in the light, where God is. If we live in the light, we have fellowship with each other, and the blood sacrifice of Jesus, God’s Son, washes away every sin and makes us clean.

I see this city full of lights....the entire city is lit up with a beautiful blinding bright light but yet the city is filled with darkness. Actually, it is a darkness that I have never known....and probably many of you have never seen with your own eyes as well. It changes you. Ohhhh please continue to pray for this city that one day they will all see the true Light of Jesus and they will no longer live in bondage. The people in Mexico will live in our hearts forever.

This blog began as a way of writing about Lottie and Emma and sharing precious memories with our family and friends. Then it became a journal about our lives as missionaries. We tried to share as much as we could but for security reasons we couldn't always show you everything and everyone that has impacted our lives. Now as we get ready for a new journey.....I feel it is time to stop blogging. I am desiring to be a more "present" mom and wife. Not that blogging takes a long time but sometimes it does for me if I have something deep to share. My family needs healing and time together. Besides praying for the Mexican people, please also pray for the Byrd's Nest as we open a new chapter in our lives. God has blessed our little family in so many ways since I began blogging.....and I can't wait to see what He has in store for our future!


I love ya'll! Honestly, I cannot BELIEVE the amazing prayer warriors and friends God has placed in my life through this blog. It is incredible how much I love the deep friendships I have with some of you and yet....I have never even hugged your neck in person! One day....ohhhh how I pray to hug each of you!

Rahab

I read a fiction book about Rahab, the Jericho prostitute who helped the Hebrew army conquer Jericho by hiding two Hebrew spies in her home. It was popular in the culture in Jericho that if your family was very poor many parents sold their young teenage daughters into prostitution. None of them believed in God and their temple in the city was full of false idols. They would take their 14 year old daughters to the temple and sell them for a price so their stomachs would be full. Unfortunately it still goes on today all over the world today.  She didn’t know God personally and had never even heard of him but when she did hear of Him, she was starving to know more and could never get enough of Him.

 I have never read very much fiction but this book intrigued me (and it was free on my kindle!) so I will tell you that the rest of this story is not in the bible but it spoke to me so clearly today. She married a leader in the Hebrew army, Salmon, after the Jericho walls were torn down by the Lord.   Well, that part was true….Rahab and Salmon  ARE a part of Jesus’ lineage.

She was deeply afraid of loving someone because she was so unworthy of love….or so she thought. She didn’t trust anyone who said they had feelings for her and would constantly say things that were hurtful to them and she was certain to make sure that SHE exited out of the relationship first so that she wasn’t the first one to be rejected and hurt again.  After she married, the Israelite she still never felt worthy of his love or God’s love. Why would her husband love someone like her who has shared her bed with many and she was certain that even though she yearned to be loved by her husband and God….there was no way they could love her completely because she was so broken. “Broken” is the key word here.

When she got married her husband, Salmon, gave her some earrings that belonged to his mother who had died. She was so touched and treasured them forever in her heart. They had only been married for three months and were having some problems (husband/wife relational issues) because she just couldn’t give herself to her husband without seeing her past. One day, she lost one of the earrings. She was heartbroken and searched their tent. Salmon came home and the tent was a wreck and she was on the floor in tears and told him he never should have entrusted her with those precious jewels that belonged to his mother.

Moments later, Salmon found the missing earring. It was outside of their tent in the sand…somewhat buried in the sand with footprints over it and it was all grimy and dirty. She reaches out for the earring and he stops her and says, “No, leave it. It’s no good anymore. It’s been lying in the sand, trampled again and again. It’s ruined.”  She replies, “No! I can see it is fine. It needs careful washing perhaps but it will be good as new as soon as it is given proper care.” Salmon disagrees with her. Rahab says, “Jewels don’t lose their value just because they’re dirty.  It’s still a pearl even if it’s been stepped on. What’s wrong with you?” Obviously, her sweet hubby is trying to make a point and using the earring as an example.

He finally reaches for her and says, “Rahab, you seem to value this earring above your other possessions.  You appreciate its inherent value as gold and pearl, but even beyond gold and pearl it means something more to you.  It represents great worth in your sight.” He adds, “Don’t you see that God looks upon you the way you look upon this delicate jewel?  Only with so much more tenderness and delight.  Do you remember the story of creation?  It tells us that His hand fashioned us-fashioned you-in His own image.  The One who created you in His image, the One who called you very good, must consider you to have profound worth.  You are like this precious jewel to Him. You tell me that in spite of the fact that this earring has been lost, abandoned in the dirt and trampled underfoot, it is still of great worth to you.  It remains a valuable piece of jewelry.  You tell me that even though people have stepped on it, it is no less precious. “

Greg and I counseled with a special woman years and years ago. She was very broken, abused and really had no idea what love felt like. Love from her family, especially the men in her family, was being sexually abused by them.  I believe in many ways now, God was preparing us for Mexico with this woman. She couldn't even bring herself to trust God because in her mind, he was a man as well.  Many women are abused in many ways. This world can be so evil and after the abuse, the victim is left feeling like this was her fault…..there must be something wrong with her…..she brought it on herself…..she is not worthy of love. Lies! This is one of Satan’s finest ways to steal the hearts of young girls and women who are being abused!!!

Let me tell you something. I have a heart for women like you, if you happen to read this and have experienced this pain.  You may have been discarded by your family or someone might have stolen your innocence from you but you have NOT been robbed of your true worth! You may have been stepped on by lots of people but that does not change the fact that you are a child of God MADE in His image.

God does not approve of what happened to you. It happens because there is sin in man. I know that I personally would love to ask God all kinds of questions about this when I get to heaven but for now I just have to base my knowledge on His word. 

Please listen if you have ever been violated or abused or maybe you were not given love. There is no possible way to erase what has happened to you.  Abuse is not always physical. On many levels, I believe our little Lottie shows signs of emotional abuse. Obviously, they did their best in the children’s home but it wasn’t good enough. She is only seven years old and thinks that she should be cast out of the family because of one small infraction. She has shared that she must not have been “worth keeping”. Our adopted little ones are very smart, they figure things out way sooner than we want them to, we desire so much more for them but you see…..their innocence was robbed from them the moment they were laid down in front of the doorway of the busy store on the corner.

  

 I am praying for all of you…..the nameless…..the ones who don’t seem to have a voice for themselves. There are so many that live here. There is a statistic that 92% of women have been sexually abused by the time they are 21 years of age in Mexico. 92%! Everyone in their families look the other way because it has become a part of their culture….a part of “who they are” and it is almost as if the darkness and the sin have taken over generations of people here. What other reason could there be that a mother knows what is happening to her young daughter and does nothing to help her?You know why? Because she has no self-worth either...it happened to her and her mother before her and so on and so on and she really believes she cannot stop the cycle. And often, if the child does tell someone the entire family disowns them. They are thrown out as if they themselves have brought shame to the family name.

Remember me talking about an situation here that compelled me to tell you that I will no longer see with my eyes shut? This is it, we cannot look the other way any longer. We cannot think it is none of our business. People are our business because God's children are HIS business. These women not only need a Savior but they need to feel His love through those who are willing to listen to the Lord and step out in faith to help the abused women in this world.

So hear me out.  You were not left because you were not good enough! You were not abused because you are nothing….you ARE someone! You are not spoiled beyond repair!

You need to hear these next thoughts. You are God’s own precious gold…….You are His irreplaceable pearl…….You have NEVER lost your value that you were born with……He created you in His OWN image……You did not cause any of the emotional or physical pain in your life……YOU are most precious in His sight!!!

You are worthy of not only Gods love but the love of others as well. The bible says that there is no fear in love, perfect love (like God loves us) casts out all fear!  Give all of those fears to the Lord. You want to know the key? You won’t like it but hear me out. Forgiveness is the key. I know you must be thinking, how in the world could I ever forgive what they did to me? You are not forgiving “the act” of the abuser and you are not accepting what has happened to you BUT if you do decide to forgive …….you just might see that you feel free….free from the bondage that this person or these persons have had you in for all these years.   Ask God to take these chains off of your hands and set you free from the bondage you have lived with for so many years. Why doesn’t He just do it if He loves you so much? Because He wants a relationship with you my sweet friend.  You deserve so much more than how you are living right now. You are just existing in relationships and trust is almost impossible isn’t it? I want so desperately for you to feel loved….the love of the Father……my love for you……and the love of maybe someone else that is trying to show you their love but you really don’t have a clue what “real love” looks like.  You CAN learn to trust again. Begin with your relationship with the Lord. I would love to help you with this if you have no clue where to begin.

You ARE worthy of love and SO much more. I believe that in the last ten years or so, God has shown me so much pain. If I could take all of your pain away and make it my own….I would. In a way, this is a journey you must do yourself but if it is your desire…..I don’t mind walking right beside you….holding your hand…..and trying to show you God’s love for you.  I’m not a counselor; I’m just a good listener and can maybe help you get on the right path to healing with God’s help of course!!  Go to a good friend......go to someone you can open up your heart to if you don't want to tell me but please please stop keeping it to yourself. My e-mail is on the right side of the blog:)

I love ya'll :)

A little getaway

 Lots of things have been happening around here, I can probably tell ya'll more in a few days:) We decided to get out of town for a couple of days and went to Puebla and stayed at our favorite hotel with air conditioning and a lovely heated pool. I know....those two things don't seem to go together but trust me on this one! The water in any pool is freezing cold here because the highs only get up in the low 80's but at night it is really cool. 

 A baby longhorn! It must be a newborn because its little legs were so wobbly and it could barely walk. Ohhhh it was so precious!

 Beautiful Mexico!

 Sissy....this picture is for you:) They moved the lions at the safari and we were trying to see them in their new habitat when we made a (ahem) new friend. See Emma gripping Daddy's hand? Honestly, I kept waiting for it to run after us but it didn't....whew!!!

 This male hippo was HUGE! When he went down in the water and finally plopped down on his side, the waves actually moved the other hippos in the water. And oh dear they are stinky animals!!!

 This is a newborn baby hippo and it's Mommy. Doesn't she look like she is smiling? Awwwww:)

 We heard a peacock squawking and found it getting into some feed that a worker left on a wall. lol It was almost as if he was squawking and bragging about finding this treasure.

 And then he spotted us and ran off into the pretty flowers.

 This is a baby wallaby. There were tons of babies today! We even saw one in its Momma's pouch......oh so precious....but I could never get a good picture because she was in the shade and it was so dark.

And this was Lottie after all of that walking (hee hee)

Final Wedding Pictures!!!

Emma and her Grammy

Mark's Mom did all of these decorations. Even the chair covers! They were so beautiful and she worked so hard, she must have slept for days after the wedding was finally over!

Elisabeth being sassy:) She has the most beautiful smile and the most beautiful heart.Greg decorated the gorgeous tree in the church. I married good huh?

Elisabeth with her new family. Pretty bunch aren't they?

 Our family above and Mark's Mom with her two handsome sons below.

 

Be still my heart. This picture says it all about how Lottie and Emma feel about their new big brother. This was right after the wedding and Emma was needing a moment with "her Mark" :)

 Elisabeth and her friends. They spent a few days with her before the wedding and I could tell that those moments are what Elisabeth will remember the most

 Elisabeth dancing with her big brother. They are such good friends:)

 I love the way she is looking at her sweet Mark

 Elisabeth dancing with her Daddy. Greg scooped her up when this chorus began in the song and her little feet were dangling in the air just like when she was a little girl.

" I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she'd find you someday
But it still hard to give her away
I loved her first"

(Lots of Kleenex!!!!)

And they lived Happily Ever After.......The End :)

A lesson on Trust

Something big happened to me last night. Some of you will read this and not think it was anything and that maybe I have eaten a few too many tacos:) But I pray that some of you will learn this lesson of trust with me. I wasn't going to write anything at all about it but only tell my family but what kind of a testimony is that! So here we go:)

I shared in my last post that in the past two years,  I have been struggling with trusting the Lord. It was pretty ugly.....honestly....nothing feels worse especially when you are a missionary and people...well, let's just say they tend to think more of you than they should:) But God had taken me completely out of my comfort zone and yes.....that is where we learn the most about trusting in Him and going to Him first with our problems and worries.

Often, I get migraines. Horrible migraines that last at least three days. Never less than three days. The first two days are usually unbearable and then the third day is somewhat better and then the fourth morning when I wake up, it is usually gone.  Migraines are normally triggered by "something". I have kept up with mine and I know that chocolate...yes...you may shed some tears for me....chocolate is a definite trigger. I love chocolate! Chocolate is my favorite food group!!!! If I am super desperate, I will take two migraine pills and then eat the chocolate...sick huh? A second trigger is the weather changing like from being dry to hard rains. The third trigger is stress. I'm pretty sure the last one is "the one" that does it for me these days. This past year.....all the way back to last summer this year has been filled with many....many....migraines.  Like I have said before, I am not a worrier and have usually not had trouble turning things over to the Lord since I became a Christian.  But....like I said in the last post...I have been somewhat rebellious:)

Last night.....out of the blue....a severe migraine hit me. Honestly, there is usually some sort of an "aura" feeling I get (please don't ask me to explain that ya'll!) and it gradually becomes worse. This time, it hit full force. Within an hour, I told the girls we were going to bed. We sold the girls bed and now the three of us sleep on a full size mattress on the floor until we leave for Texas. Emma moves constantly! I felt like I was going to throw up every time she moved. The room was moving....my stomach was terribly ill....and the left side of my head felt like it was going to explode. Also, it is hot here, the hottest time of the year and we are on the 2nd floor. There is no air conditioning here so Lottie and I go to bed with an ice pack on our necks, it doesn't seem to bother Emma.  Migraines....being hot....and nausea just don't mix well, you know? I was begging Emma to be still and finally, I fell asleep. Lottie woke me up in the middle of the night because she had a bad dream.This is how bad my head was hurting. The pain was on the left side, so I had to put all of the pressure against my pillow and could only lay on my left side. Lottie was behind me. I sleep in the middle. She asked if we could switch places so she could snuggle with me so I sat up and thought I was going to be sick right there in the bed. She helped me with my pillow and everything....God bless her little self....and I laid back down again. I sang her some songs but I'm certain my lips weren't even moving from the pain and she finally fell back asleep. I was wide awake and began to cry. I began praying and sobbing and begging God to take this pain away. I prayed forever about what church Greg will pastor....where will it be.....will it be close to our big kids....giving my opinion....and then saying I'm sorry....it was the most pathetic desperate prayer. Then....all of a sudden....I felt a cool feeling on my head, all over my head (no, it wasn't the ice pack!) and then I felt a tingling feeling from my scalp down to my lower neck and then....it was gone. The migraine was gone. It completely disappeared.Never ever ever in all the years I have had migraines, have they lasted for just five or six hours....EVER!   I sat up in bed without any pain or nausea....everything was gone. I began to cry again and just began this prayer of thankfulness and how I was so unworthy of that healing...especially because of my attitude. And then I fell fast asleep.

I woke up this morning and told Greg. I was still in awe of what had happened and was trying to wrap my mind around it. I kept thinking of this verse in Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding". This is what I have been doing. I had been asking God questions but not really listening for His answers. I had been trusting in my OWN thoughts.

A few hours after waking up, I had a dull headache. My first thought was, "Oh great....another migraine" but I looked over at Greg and told him that I know....with all that I am....that God took away my migraine last night because I laid everything out on the table and begged Him to take it from me. But......He has never promised us we wouldn't have any suffering or pain and part of me believes that this little dull headache is nothing more than a reminder. A reminder to trust Him with all my heart and with all my might.

Like I said.....this might sound a little "out there" but it's true and it happened to me and I am ever so thankful for a loving Father that teaches me these lessons and never gets tired of me making the same mistakes in the future. He needed to show me that HE is in control....not me. He needed to show me that HE is all powerful and I am nothing without Him. He needed me to know that He has my family's entire future in His hands and that all I need to do is...trust Him....obey Him....and follow Him. I think I can do that now:)

(Psalm 36:7-9) How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light.

Our messy lives

We still have a little over two months left in Mexico and we have been using this time to regroup, renew our spirits and of course, pray. Our life has been somewhat unstable and very much like a roller coaster ride since we answered God's call. We left a church Greg was pastoring, sold our home that was paid for, sold our van that was paid for and carried twelve suitcases to Costa Rica to learn Spanish. Then we packed up those same suitcases and moved to Puebla, Mexico.....lived there for one year and then packed up again and moved to Mexico City. Three "homes", two countries, three years.

I am going to bare my soul today, I'm certain my husband will review this post and say, "Are you sure you want to post this?" But I feel it is necessary, I feel God asking me to share my insecurities.  God has been doing a great work in me. I have to say, it was pretty painful and I was pretty rebellious. Much has happened since we left Texas and then again it seems like nothing has happened. I'm sure that doesn't make any sense.  I read a great book called "A Glorious Mess" by Mike Howerton. He began by asking this question......."Do you view your imperfections as a canvas for Gods glory?" Interesting question huh?

So let's think about this question..... do we think our imperfect lives are a canvas for God's glory? The author says, "I wonder if we don't see that in that moment, in that mess, just there...where we are stuck....frustrated or otherwise not all that impressive-that's where God is free to bring His glory.  All throughout the scriptures, we see examples of God loving imperfect people, forgiving imperfect people and using imperfect people for great and glorious things.  God's love for imperfect people is unrelenting.  In fact, the bigger the mess, the more glory God seems to get".

I think it must be true. Instead of feeling bad for our messy lives and feeling like we have failed God we should praise Him for the valleys and what we learned while we were there.  Mike says, "God knows exactly what your circumstances are right now.  And His call is in the midst of them.  His call is not for "when my life slows down" or "I get a bit more put together".  God doesn't work that way.  His glory does not wait until our mess is figured out-His glory works THROUGH our mess". Praise Jesus for that! He is always one step ahead of us.....He adopted us when we were a mess and He still loves us when we continue to live messy lives!  Trust me.....He can use you in spite of your messy life!

I struggled with contentment so much over the last two years. I questioned my call. Even though I could see God at work in us, we never stayed in one place long enough to have deep roots....deep relationships. Maybe that is the reason I never felt at "home" or felt content. The author said, "Faith will always involve "a step".  It will challenge your comfort zone.  The way we think about things is a process of obedience and struggle".

Isn't that what it boils down to....our faith in God? To believe with every muscle in our being that He WILL be there for us?  "Sometimes the only way God can give us peace is when we come to the end of ourselves and simply give up". And that is what I had to do....just throw up my hands and surrender. I wonder why every now and then, I end up in this same valley that I have visited before. I read somewhere that you can't jump from mountaintop to mountaintop without going through the valley:) 

Trust is the key. The complete act of giving yourself and all those you love in all circumstances to Him. We have a little one that lacks in trust, Lottie. Of course, when you know the beginning of "her story", why would she trust so easily? I remember once when the little ones were about three years old, Elisabeth, the girls and I were at a BBQ place picking up dinner. There was three Chinese men behind us in line and Lottie was gripping my neck and I could barely breathe. She kept whispering in my ear, "Mommy, hold Emma". I kept telling her that I couldn't hold both of them and couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. I turned around and looked behind me and smiled at the nice men and they just stared at me....with no expressions. Unusual for Texas but not unusual for their culture:) We had our food and began to get in the car. Lottie became hysterical and kept repeating, "Put Emma in the car seat, those people are going to steal her!" I don't know what this little one witnessed in her life before we met her but she struggles with fear. Fear can be an enemy. Some fear is healthy....like fearing God. Other fears are not and can lead to anxiety and complete lack of trust in the Lord. She is my "in your face" lesson in trusting the Lord. And slowly, she is beginning to trust Him also.  Often, we only study the people in the bible that lacked trust...wait...that was almost everyone in the bible:) How precious that God supernaturally wrote His book for us so that we can see that we are not so very different from those He used in those days. We are truly the modern time David....Noah....Moses....Peter and all of the others that were afraid. Maybe God allows our lives to be sifted like flour so that we will come running to our First Love?

Jonah experienced fear which led to not trusting God with the call on his life. In the end, he was obedient but oh how he struggled with the job God had given to him. In the end, "Jonah experiences transformation.  He does an about face.  He decides to no longer run from God but to call out to God who called him in the first place.  He rejects the idols of disbelief and hopelessness that he has clung to in order to keep God at arms length.  And he embraces the Lord who loves him in this mess". "God knows our deepest needs!  We all need rescuing. He sees how we choose sin over purity, our way over His way.  He loves us anyway and He wants for us to experience His rescue".

"On your worst day you are never out of reach of Gods grace.  On your best day you are never out of need of Gods grace". (Jerry Bridges)

So you see.....it's okay to live a messy life. Don't let anyone EVER make you feel like you are not a Christ follower because of your messy life.  Our messes of feeling hopeless or abandoned can lead us to a place where we throw up our hands and yell "Lord, please take this from me.....please let me see You!" The ultimate desire is always the same. We want to see Him. The love our Father has for us is overwhelming....a love that we can never know the depths or heights of...it is beyond our comprehension.

Don't beat yourself up or let others beat you up with your doubts and fears. Those doubts and fears lead us to Him every time. How wonderful that He never tires of showing us how much He loves us. "God has been painting with your life.  You will see the character that He produced in you.  The character of thankfulness, of courageous obedience and of joyful living.  You will see the emergence of character of Jesus.  You will see the darkest places in your journey have become the relief against which His grace shines.  You will discover the areas of your struggle and brokenness have become the place of His great victory and your great ministry. Your mess showcases His glory."

"God WILL see MORE than you.  God will see deeper than you.  Move your perspective to His perspective.  GRACE is His perspective.  Gods plan for you means a personal journey.  It is life on the pinnacles of existence; it is wonder and joy and amazement. It's a discovery of your tapping into the best and brightest parts of yourself in order to contribute something to Gods kingdom that only YOU can contribute".

The valley is a tough place to dwell but there is so much to learn while you are there....it is faith building....it is trust building.  When you come out of the fire, you are a beautiful and redeemed piece of pottery. Read this book if you are needing some assurance. He has an awesome sense of humor. I really enjoyed it!

He delights in you! So delight in yourself and know that you are loved....no matter what. You might be a mess....but God sees you as a Glorious Mess.  I love ya'll....thank you for always loving little ole messy me:)

A Relaxing Day

 These are my favorite butterflies from Costa Rica, they are a brilliant blue when they fly but I never could get a good picture of one flying. They are fast:)

 They have a butterfly nursery where you can watch them grow and these butterflies were ready to be released.....so cool!

 My handsome hubby. Que guapo!!  Lottie said if I put this on the blog that all the girls will faint. (hee hee) She thinks her Daddy is super handsome:)

A family photo! I look really tired but we needed a new one for Greg's resume.

 I always feel bad when I see gorillas at the zoo. This one is all alone with no friends. He looks depressed doesn't he? Poor guy:(

 This is for you Sissy!!!!!! Lottie could barely take the picture she was giggling so hard:)

What a great day with our family! We went to the zoo and had a wonderful time. Greg and James have upset tummies from eating tacos the other day but hopefully they will be feeling better soon:)