God's provision

If you have read my blog for any amount of time, you will know the issues we have had with our little Emma Jane since she became our daughter. To give a brief history, Emma lived with her first mom and grandmother for the first 17 months of her life. Her mom was only 17 years old and she and her mother could not financially provide for Emma and her medical needs. Emma had asthma and severe dermatitis.  Her mother placed her in a childrens home for 30 days but then removed her because she did not like the way Emma was being treated. I personally think she was abused physically there because of the way she reacts if she feels threatened. Anyway, her mom took her out of this home and took her to the adoption agency so that she could be Internationally adopted. She then lived with two different foster families and then came to live with us in Texas in a short time period of six months. I give you this personal history of my baby because if you are adopting, I want you to be aware of emotional problems that come with your adopted child and the traumatic stress that they have endured and it doesn't just go away because you love them. We adoptive parents really have no clue what our children have been through nor could we be as brave and strong as they are.Emma Jane would have night terrors that lasted anywhere from one to two hours a night for her first two years with us. She would never remember them and wake up our happy sweet Emma but she was grieving in her sleep.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold.  (Psalm 46:1-3,7 )

So in the first 3 1/2 years, Emma seemed to attach herself to everyone in the family but me. A friend told me once that I would probably be the last person because she is still grieving for her first mom. (on a side note....Emma and I have a beautiful Mommy/daughter relationship now. For this...I am truly blessed) Emma was born at 27 weeks so although she will be 6 years old in January, mentally and developmentally she is alot younger than her actual age. This is very normal and we expected this. She couldn't even walk very well at the age of two but mimicking everything Lottie did really caught her up! This was a blessing. So aside from our attachment/bonding issues, she was behind on some things and not quite up with the other kids her age but there were some things that I guess I was missing and they have just showed up recently in the past few months. I have never seen her do these things before but we were very concerned about how we could help her. For the past few months she has begun:

*spinning around in circles and never seems to get dizzy
*hurling herself off of the couch onto the floor on purpose
*when we are in a crowd of people she will begin ramming her head into our stomachs over and over again
*she makes a humming sound all the time and doesn't seem to be aware she is doing it
*doesn't seem to hear me when I call her name even though there is nothing wrong with her hearing

These are just a few but these were beginning to concern us. I would talk to my dear friend in Texas about it often because she has alot of experience with this and I knew that Emma needed some help and I needed to know how to help her. I ordered some sensory books from Amazon but still knew in my heart that she needed more than that.  I would lay awake in bed at night and think, "Lord......what am I going to do? No one here even understands why we adopted these children much less will they understand the problems that correspond with adoption! Only you can help me Lord"

(Joshua 1:9) "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go"

Three weeks ago we began visiting a new small church here and I went to Sunday school with the girls. The woman that was teaching that day was a child Psychologist. Her name is Elsa. Sunday school was almost two hours that day so the kids played outside and caught grasshoppers and Elsa asked me a thousand questions about the girls and their adoptions. This was the first time someone here has even asked me about them. But she didn't just ask about their adoptions, she asked me what kind of problems have I had with them, if any, and she was very curious about them individually. Now, you all know that I am a very transparent person so of course.....I shared everything. Three weeks have gone by and it wasn't until last night that I realized that God had placed this woman in our lives for a reason. I decided to get up the courage to ask her to help us today. So, before church this morning I asked her if she had a minute. Now first of all, this woman speaks no English so this a conversation I have never had in Spanish so I know I was nervous but oh how the Lord provided all the words I needed. She listened to all I had to say about Emma and then I asked her if she could help me.

She told me that she has been observing Emma for the past three weeks. More so Emma than Lottie she said. She mentioned several things that I hadn't even told her about Emma that she had noticed and told her that she can help her with these issues. She told me that sensory issues are not her area of expertise but she has a good friend that has been an occupational therapist for over 25 years. She said she would call her and make an appointment for Emma to be tested. She then said that she would also work with Emma on a weekly basis and she refused to take any money for it, she said she really wanted to help Emma. In a short amount of time, Emma has torn at her heart strings and she has been trying to think of a way to ask me if she could help us without offending me! I began to cry.....she began to cry and we just stood in the front yard hugging each other and crying. So.....here is the provision!!!!

Here I am....at times....feeling sorry for myself and Emma because I cannot provide her the help in a foreign country like I could in the states. At times...in really (ahem) low times, I would actually have the nerve to ask God, "What have you done? How can I provide for my Emma all of the things she needs and live here among these people that don't even understand adoption? Will my children survive as missionary kids?" Then this scripture came to mind.

(1Cor. 2:9) "No eye has seen....no ear has heard...no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him"

Friends.....I share this very personal story with you because this is a testimony! This is a testimony of God's pure love and mercy for all of us. He didn't send me here to suffer with my family. He promised that He would provide all that my family needed and He will not break this promise! He has gone before me and laid down this path for Emma and our family.

(Psalm 139:4-8; 13-14) "Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in-behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

I am still tearful about His mercy and grace this morning. Why do I sometimes forget that He is in control? Each time a miracle like this occurs in my life, I often think....next time Lord....the very next time something like this happens in my life, I will be more faithful.....I will know you are there and not be anxious and never worry....but He knows.....He knows my heart.   I am laying my family at His feet....once again....this precious sunny morning.....knowing and feeling safe that He is in control of me and my family.....knowing that I don't need to worry or be anxious about anything but only remain on my knees in prayer. He gave me the Spanish I needed at the perfect time.....He placed a helper in my life that my precious angel needed.Thank you Father for these precious gifts you gave to us yesterday and may we only glorify You with the results!!!!!!!!

‘Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ (Isaiah 41:10 )

 Emma and Elsa